If I Was Your....Bachelorette

Hey Curl Friends! You alright? Have you recovered from all the goings on in the world? If you need a place to chuckle for a moment, this is the place to be.

If you are wondering if I'm going to drop my thoughts on Michelle being a future Bachelorette, the answer is no. I AM going to discuss what life would be like for me as a contestant on The Bachelor. As I watched Season 25, I couldn't help but notice the need to be "date ready" at any given time. On top of that, you have to be "camera ready". Um...... the way my natural hair is set up, help me Jesus! Let me count the ways this could go great or terrible.

As A Contestant

Arriving for the initial meet, it would be in my best interest to begin the show with a Curlformer set. For my own sanity, I can maneuver an aging Curlformer set. I also feel it's a more "polished" look I can achieve to match a gown situation. This is also assuming no hair stylist is helping me. Could I just blowout my hair and slick up a bun? Sure. Could I do a twist out or braid out and achieve the same? Absolutely. Would I want to? Not for the first rose ceremony. It's my level of comfort for styling a more formal hair style. After the initial rose ceremony and I make it through, here's where the journey TRULY begins.

That first week, the Curlformer set ages gracefully. I hope. My hair tends to act up at the worst times. If production allows, the hair scissors are most likely in the suitcase since I hope to make it to the end. A trim will be necessary at some point. Oh goodness, HAIR PRODUCTS! TOOLS! Do people understand how many products I use depending on the style?!? You know what, this alone is a reason I wouldn't do the show. Who is packing all this?!?! If I get kicked off within the first three weeks, I would be pissed. It's day 1 and I'm already stressed out over my hair.

The show must go on.

We see every week the progression of dating process. The contestants take part in one of the one-on-one dates (two available) or the group date. Since we begin after a rose ceremony, hair is pretty fresh. What comes out of the scarf or bonnet is generally safe. If by chance I get the first one-on-one date, I'm not stressed on the hair situation. During the day, I want my hair flying free. Since the dinner date doesn't need to be formal, I would pull my hair back to make sure I see his face uninterrupted. Diana (oh wait...did I tell y'all that's my hair's name????) tends to lay in my eyes disrespectfully. I am constantly pushing my hair back. That's cute and playful for the day date. Evening? Not so much. After securing the rose, I would just need to be camera ready for the couch/date card scenes. Since this show is generally full of women in their 20s, none of them are seen in a bonnet/scarf. As a women in her latter 30s, I juuuuuust might be seen in a scarf. A head wrap would definitely be in the cards. Day of the rose ceremony, hair is washed and ready to go.

At this point, I would generally have a wash n go, a twist out, or a braid out. If I happen to bring my Curlformers, it could happen. I don't flat iron my own hair. Straight hair is out. My blow dryer is a must with bonnet attachment to make sure my hair is dry. I wouldn't bring the diffuser attachment unless it is winter during taping.

Majority of the show consists of group dates and rose ceremonies. I wouldn't worry so much about my hair for rose ceremonies since that would dictate wash day. Please be advised, my wash day takes 1.5 hours for a wash n go (that's generous) or up to 3 hours for a blow out/Curlformer set. Judging by some of the activities during group dates, this is where the issues reside. These ladies are most likely sweating, rolling in mud, or paint/food is flying around. Look, if I can't wear a plastic cap on my head, Houston we have a problem. Then you want me to turn around with clean and neat hair for dinner. Nah fam. I'm over it. You better let me have a stylist. I don't have time. This is not real life. I might tap out.

You know what, this life isn't for me. I would show up to the first group date with twists in a bun. Matter of fact, that might be the standard for all group dates. Throw a head wrap on every once in a while. You want natural hair represented. Baby, you go it. I am NOT stressing myself out. A wash n go might not happen. Neither would a blow out. Shoot, you might not even get a Curlformer set at this point. I'm meeting the family in a wash n go. You will know and understand this natural hair realness.

So what's the takeaway? I don't need to be on The Bachelor. Now the Bachelorette is a different story. The question is.... Do I have a stylist? No? Eh, I would still give it a shot. Maybe. Oh who am I kidding? Unless they find enough men willing to NOT kiss, it's a wrap.

The Bachelor: Natural Hair Commentary

Hey Curl Friends! Any The Bachelor fans out there? I'm not. But I had to watch this season!

After 24 seasons, the show finally has a man of color. Mr. Matt James. After finding out halfway through the season the lead was a black man, I had to dive in to see what would be aired. Plus, I had to discuss the hair. Let's face it. Kinks don't get the same love as curls. Neither get the same respect as straight.

Full disclosure, I originally watched episodes 5 through the end (post show). Eventually, I went back and watched episodes 1 through 4. I'm going to keep this to a natural hair discussion in the context of dating. And black women and dating. You get my drift. If you want my overall thoughts, let me know.

Grab your popcorn, boo. Here we go!

There were 37 total women! (That's a whole blog on its own. I won't even respect #38 that showed up on the scene. Let me focus.) I was EXCITED to see more than three sistas! We witness black women with straight hair to TWAs to protective styles to curls! Unfortunately, there was a lack of kinks. Was I personally represented? Not exactly. I don't usually expect to be represented since my curls are their own vibe.

I am happy to see a black man on the show who appreciated all the styles. However, I take note to the naturalistas. Shout out to the flat ironed or relaxed sistas. I was rooting for you as well (chile anyone melaninated).

Let's begin with Chelsea and her model self and this TWA! Come on, sis! When Matt commented on her hair, I had high hopes. I NEEDED her to get a one-on-one date. I held my breath, chile. But alas.... she was cut in episode 7. She made it to top 10! (Chelsea very well could be one of many black women that have made it to this point. Let me know because I don't watch. Honestly, I wouldn't be shocked if she is... primarily as a brown naturalista.)

Chelsea is a beauty. Looking at her show profile, she's an educated woman not afraid to take risks. I need her to have a real favorite food but that's not the point. Not being selected for a one-on-one date was a hurt piece. Her chances dwindled exponentially because she didn't have that focused day. Of course, that hurt all of the ladies. However, it was clear he was interested in her when they did chat early on. He kept her around. I don't think that was for show. Matt seemed genuinely invested. Nevertheless, not having that solo date made a difference. Factor in the continued drama at the cocktail parties, her chances were plummeting. I hope and pray Chelsea is living her best life and finds the man of her dreams sooner rather than later.

Next, my girls Magi and Ryan. Both ladies made it to episode 6, top 14. Ryan was a late comer (chile that was a whole mess on its own lol) but pushed through. Magi started at the top of the show. She has a whole PhD, honey! Neither ladies were given the opportunity of the one-on-one date. I think Matt was invested in them but when it got to the top 11, it was clear he didn't have the same connection with either lady. These ladies are more on the type 3 spectrum. I was watching the show wondering if either one of them would be caught looking disheveled. In my opinion, looser textures are more pliable. However, the camera can take a seemingly put together messy bun and make it look a whole HOT mess with one wrong angle. It's amazing how someone with less curly hair can have a messy bun and it's high fashion. Magi and Ryan were camera ready at all times. Even relaxing and waiting for the date cards, hair was relatively in place.

Another notable lady is Khaylah, the healthcare advocate. She was the North Carolina storm I needed! I didn't know Matt was from NC. So when it came up out the gate, she was my front runner. I hoped that common ground would push her ahead. At first, it did. They connected fairly quickly. Unfortunately, sis only made it to episode 4. The five new ladies showed up and Khaylah got kicked to the curb. She would have definitely made it otherwise. I was HURT, honey. As for the hair, I was wondering what she rocked underneath. Girl, is that a sew in? A wig? What brand? Talk to me. (I know NOTHING about wigs and weaves personally. I can only tell you what friends have shared.) But alas, she left the show too early. Sis, I know there is a man out there that appreciates a woman who can drive a truck in a gown. I truly believe Matt missed out on this one.

Now, we HAVE to discuss Pieper and all her curly girl glory. She made it all the way to (the end of) episode 7, top 5. Whew chile, I didn't know how she would fair with her emotions. She finally had a one-on-one date in episode 6. While they could be a great match, I want her to experience more life. My FAVORITE Pieper moment is when Heather tried to explain herself to the group. Pieper said I don't care about a single thing you have to say. You interrupted my time and didn't address me. I want an apology.

BA-BY! Whew, that was a black moment. How dare you come in and not address everyone in the room. Pieper was through honey. She just professed her "love" and then gets interrupted. I felt the disrespect. Her response was GOLD! Her hair matched her energy. The curls behaved. That top knot was slicked up. But she also had moments where the bun was neat but the curls in the kitchen were unbothered. THIS is real life people. Edges and kitchens won't always be slicked. WE HAVE CURLY HAIR! She didn't have swooped edges. Pieper boo... I love you, sis. You may not have won Matt's heart. But, you have so much to offer this world. Finish that degree. Push the envelope. I hope you get more outward expression from your mother.

There were other wonderful shades of melanin in pursuit of Matt James' heart. Oh, Michelle. It should have been you. But alas, the vacuum experience wins again. Rachel won because she had the most real life experience inside the bubble. Plus, Matt flat out looked at her differently much earlier than the rest. I don't care what anyone says, Mama James loved Michelle. Also looking back at Matt's rose ceremony to select the top 4, I hated that Michelle and Pieper were the last two chosen. Side eye to production.

Alright Curl Friends, that's my examination of the curls on The Bachelor. Okay and a bit of overall commentary. Chile, I'm just happy it wasn't all relaxers, extensions, and wigs. I needed two good sistas to step out the limo either with type 4 hair or braids. Next time!

Thanks for indulging my commentary. Trust me. There is a LOT more. If and when I get the rest of my thoughts together, maybe I will drop another installment.